Vulnerable moment: it’s been a crazy week. If I’m being honest, the last six months or more have been wrought with uncertainty and so many questions within myself about my purpose.
I’ve been in a season of transition in our family with adapting to having an independent adult child and an independent teenage son-both of whom are thriving. So my purpose as a mom has shifted into steadfast support and guidance from a distance rather than rushing to the rescue, which I know is where we should be with them. This shift has adjusted our marriage. Lyndon and I are both learning how to navigate this new territory, and I’m so grateful we have each other.
My Daddy died suddenly last year, and I am still grieving the unexpected loss and what could have been. Grief is a strange journey and differs for everyone. What I know is Christ gives me the most profound peace when I feel my turbulent heart trying to sway me. But it certainly is a sadness that is layered.
Because of these major life changes, I have found it difficult to find purpose in posting. In reality, all I have to offer is a broken mess just leaning into Jesus and my husband every day as we face the uncertainties of the new season: adult children, aging family members, loss of a parent.
Don’t get me wrong; there is also joy. Watching my sister become a mother and seeing her embrace the beautiful chaos of her instant family has been one of the most amazing things I have witnessed. Her testimony isn’t mine to share, but if you know what she has overcome to live in the blessings she once prayed for, your heart is as full as mine. I have watched students move into their calling and purpose. It’s even been wonderful to watch some of my kiddos marry and start families of their own. As ladies’ director at Northside, we have successfully built a conference that fulfills a God dream. I am now partnered with LifeBeads, a mission focused on employing women in northern Uganda to help them break the cycle of poverty.
In all of this, I cannot help but find myself questioning, “Lord, what is it that YOU want from me and for me?” I think we all go through seasons like this. Just because we are gifted in various areas, we don’t need to assume that we should serve in all these things. That will ultimately lead to burnout. Heads up: I’ve been on the verge of said burnout for a while now. Above all, we are called to share the Gospel, reminding this broken world that Jesus loves them so much, and He came to die for our sins.
Here’s the catch: I’m in my feelings. I feel tired. I feel overwhelmed. I feel sad. I feel unseen. I feel unimportant. This is where my faith has to step in to remind me of all God says:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)
From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, (Psalms 61:2 NLT)
Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and (Psalms 42:5 NLT)
The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. (Psalms 121:5 NLT)
But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. (1 Peter 2:9 NLT)
Does this automatically fix everything for me within a few hours? Absolutely not! On the contrary, because the enemy knows how to attack, I expect he will always target my self-worth. But if I hold these scriptures and hide God’s word in my heart, I can be better prepared to fight against his lies.
If you find yourself in the same cycle of unworthiness, I hope you find comfort in knowing you are not alone. Remind yourself what God’s view of you is and have faith even in your feelings.
Copyright Jill Cook, 2025. All rights reserved.
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