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A Pause…

Life gets real sometimes, and we have to address life before we can move forward. This is the raw, unfiltered Jill. I’m not asking for sympathy, but I know that part of what God has asked is that I be “undone” or unravel myself to the world. Expose the heartache and truth of my day-to-day struggles so that others can see that my journey is far from perfect. It’s messy, uncertain, emotional. But God told me to share. Expose it all. So I will obey.

It’s been a hard week. If I’m being honest, it’s been a difficult few weeks. My anxiety levels have reached new heights as I’ve confronted what feels like attacks from every area in my life. As a teacher, life as I've known it has changed so drastically since COVID.  We are in the middle of it all, trying to adjust to what is expected and have more expectations laid upon us every week.  My husband is a funeral director, and, as the wife of someone who works in funeral services, I can assure you that COVID has completely changed his reality at work and our reality at home.  We are grateful for each night that he doesn't get a call and for every day when it's business as usual. Such has been my life for the past couple of months. COVID is still a real enemy and plagues more moments of my day than I desire. Disappointments have come in my family- situations that are out of my control, and I want to fix it. So many changes have and are occurring in my daily life that I am doing my best to keep up and shift gears whenever necessary. 

Let me be clear. Yes, I'm a Christian.  Yes, God helps me in my weakness.  Yes, I smile.  But allow me to reveal another side.  My smile is often for the benefit of others.  Behind my smile, especially right now, is uncertainty, stress, and heartache.  I know others have felt this way and may even be experiencing it now. I am a Christian, and I struggle with life sometimes. I’m tired physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And so I have to press pause.



A pause will allow me regroup. A pause says that I’m not finished. A pause says, give me a break. So I wait. I take a moment to look at my surroundings. I allow myself to hurt. And, wow, have I hurt these few weeks. I have cried hard tears from deep places out of the desperation of needing a break. Some of you may think that this makes me weak. That’s okay. When I’m weak, God can be strong. In fact, I’m telling you right now that I’m weak. And so very weary. In spite of this, the yearning to express the hard truth is almost crushing me. So, friend, allow me to stand on a soapbox for a moment. If this offends you, you are free to unsubscribe, but I have to be real. 

We, as a society, are dealing with enough issues without people creating their own chaos. It amazes me how folks want to complain about situations simply for the sake of argument. I have to ask… where is the love? The enemy is working so hard to tear us down and attack one another.  This isn't what God wants, and I'm so grateful for those in my life that recognize the attack and the real enemy for who he is.  Our goal is to offer the gift of reconciliation that Christ has given us and to live in peace with those around us. The Bible addresses this in several areas:


“God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬


“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:18‬ ‭NLT‬‬


“How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony!”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭133:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬


I’m not saying that I have perfected the process of living in peace. No, friend, I’m far from it. But I try. When I make a mistake or speak out of turn, I apologize. Because I know that if I am holding a grudge against my brother or sister, I can’t approach my Father in Heaven with any request. Where do you stand?


I’m just going to pause. I’m going to let my mind and heart rest a bit. Because it breaks my heart to watch humanity tear itself apart. It keeps me up at night to feel like I haven’t done enough to help others or that I’ve offended someone. What I’m saying is simply I’m a mess. And I need to lean into Jesus right now. If you’re struggling, too, I hope you find comfort in knowing you are not alone. Press pause and rest in the arms of the Prince of Peace.


© Jill Cook and Unbroken & Undone Ministries.  All rights reserved.

Comments

  1. MeganSeptember 26, 2021 at 4:49 PM

    I love you so much!!! Thank you for sharing!! ❤️

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownSeptember 27, 2021 at 6:12 PM

    Thank you Jill for sharing, you have no idea what it means to my heart. I would never have known that you struggle in some of the same areas I have and still do. You have the best smile and attitude and I'm a little relieved to know that you don't have everything under control after all, but that you lean on Him instead of others to seek what you need. I'm praying for you, your ministry is making a difference!!

    ReplyDelete

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