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How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways!

I’ve had a rough week. One of the roughest ones I’ve had in a long time. After some soul-searching and talking with family and friends, I’ve come to realize something. I need a minute. What I mean by that is that I need to be still and allow my emotions to settle before I can effectively encourage those around me. Because, trust me, I’m running on fumes right now.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God… (Psalm 46:10)

As a wife, I want to be everything my husband needs me to be. He’s not demanding, but I want to honor him and our marriage by giving my best. That didn’t happen this week.


As a mom, I want to be there for my kids when they need me. As they grow older, they have gained independence, so what they need from me looks different than it did five years ago. I’m finding my footing in this, and they are showing me grace and letting me cling when I need to.


As a daughter, sister, granddaughter, teacher and kids’ pastor, the world needs me to be at my best as much as possible. And I have been. Until this week.


I had a meltdown. If I am being completely honest, I have had a few meltdowns. Some were only witnessed by my family, while others saw the volcano inside of me erupt. Unfortunately, I internalize a lot of emotions and during particularly stressful times, these emotions finally burst through. I’m left feeling guilty, embarrassed, and ashamed. But…


He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:29-31)


There’s a lesson in my failure to hold it together. Well, really there are a few lessons.

First, I have to keep my hope in the Lord and not in myself. Man, can I make a mess of things when I try to grab control of the chaos. God is still teaching me to “stay in my lane.” This was one of the last lessons I learned from Pastor Chuck, and I’m still working on it. I’m a fixer. But God hasn’t called me to fix the world or the chaos in my life. He has called me to love others and speak the truth. He’s called me to care for my family. He’s called me to encourage you every week, even at the risk of exposing my own vulnerability.


The other thing that I think God is teaching me is to allow Him to renew me. Some people would call this “self-care.” When I allow God to renew me according to His purpose, I am allowing Him to pour into me what I need to pour out to others. This doesn’t involve a trip to the salon or shopping or even a spa day, although I’m not opposed any of those things! But my heart and mind needs a reset. I need to give myself the same grace I would show others. Yikes!


Finally, the worst thing that I have done over the years is internalize emotions that finally bubble up to the surface months or even years before manifesting themselves in unhealthy ways. As I said earlier, the volcano erupted this week. Fortunately, my tribe has surrounded me and loved me through my outbursts… plural. But it isn’t fair for me to expect them to deal with my struggles. 


So what’s next for someone like me? I have to lean into Jesus. I have to seek wisdom and support for my mental and emotional health through professional help. I have to forgive myself for allowing my flesh to take over and then LET IT GO! Because at the end of the day, I am a child of God. If I can’t take care of myself, I’ll never be able to love others the way God loves them.


How do I love me? The way Jesus  loves me. He loves me enough to lay down His life for me. It’s time to put “me” aside and regroup so that He can shine through, and I can truly love others.


Prayer for when you don’t love yourself:

God, I’m weary. I feel completely unlovable and can’t fathom how You could possibly love me. But in this moment, I choose to push past what I feel and focus on what I know. Thank you, Jesus, for loving me so much that you came, lived, died, and rose again so I could be restored into relationship with you. Help me to see myself as you see me so that I can love others the way you love them. In Jesus’ name, amen.


© Jill Cook and Unbroken & Undone Ministries.  All rights reserved.

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