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This Little Light of Mine

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “when it rains it pours.“ Emotionally, my week has been a bit of a monsoon. Don’t get me wrong. Our family is well and safe. This weary heart and mind of mine, though, has taken a beating. 

My biggest bully (besides, Satan, the accuser himself) is me.  I know the truth. I know what’s real and what isn’t. Quite frankly, much of my current weariness comes from the knowledge that there is so much darkness. Sometimes-a lot, actually-the negativity of others or even the sadness of circumstances reaches me at a very deep level. Over the last two years, I have made a conscious effort to combat this spiritual attack, which I now recognize.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I have often talked about my personal struggles with this, because I believe that people are afraid of judgement when they “come clean” about things they are not proud of.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.  (2 Timothy‬ ‭1‬:‭7‬ ‭NLT‬‬)

After years of struggling to hide this ugliness that I feared made me “less than a Christian,” I have come to the realization that what Satan intended for harm, God has worked for my good-and the good of others. Now, I openly talk about the feelings of regret and rejection. I am far from mastering the art of confidence in myself, but I have confidence that God will carry me during my monsoon seasons.

It doesn’t need to be said here why am have been struggling. I don’t want to give glory to something that Christ is helping me overcome. But know, friend, that you are not alone. You don’t have to endure in silence. God cares so much about you that He pulled me out of my “ugly” so that this little light can shine. Some days, the light isn’t as bright as it should be. But it’s always there. 

There is hope for those who hurt deeply. There is rest for the anxious mind and heart. Jesus Christ can set your life ablaze so that even if all you have to offer is an ember, it’s enough to shine in the darkness and melt an icy heart. 

I’m holding that ember now, slowly gathering more kindling through the encouragement of my friends and the daily reading of God’s word. This little light will shine brighter again. So will yours. Keep the flame alive and let it shine.

If you struggle with mental illness of any kind, I strongly encourage you to seek Godly counseling . There are amazing men and women that have made it their life’s mission to help people with depression, anxiety, and other issues. Your pastor can recommend someone, or may even be able to help you. The bravest thing you can do is find help. 

Please reach out to me at unbrokenundone@gmail.com if you need help finding resources because I can see the light in you.


© Jill Cook and Unbroken & Undone Ministries.  All rights reserved.

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