Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. These have often been labeled “The Stages of Grief.” In my experience, however, I have found that these are the stages and phases of my adult life.
One thing is certain. The emotional responses to life are not linear. I think we all go through these stages at some point. When you are cycling through them rapidly, as I have been lately, it can leave you a bit exhausted.
Anger. At those who have caused you discomfort. At yourself. At God. Just feeling angry all the time is tiring. But when you are in the midst of this stage, the anger is your lifeline for a while. It keeps you going because if you let go of the anger, you let go of the control you think you have over your emotions. Despite this, anger will eventually turn into a cancerous bitterness that can consume you from the inside out of you don’t let it go and move into another stage.
Bargaining. This is a good one. I’m actually quite guilty of this one. Bargaining involves negotiating with others or even yourself to get your own desired outcome. For example, if I don’t eat all day, I can consume excessive carbs and calories at the Christmas party and it won’t sabotage my diet. Or maybe the bargain is something smaller like I will not nag my family about everyday frustrations so when I do complain about something, they will recognize that it’s important. Bargains never work! So we find ourselves in another stage.
Depression. The overwhelming, sad, hopelessness that nothing will ever change. The exhaustion from the earlier stages has finally caught up, and simply existing from day to day is a win. Depression is a very real, deep pain and can manifest itself in physical ways. When we finally want to emerge from this state of darkness in our hearts and minds, we come to the surface gasping and into the final phase.
Acceptance. Things are what they are. I am okay. God is still good no matter what has happened. When we finally come to this conclusion, we fall into the loving arms of our Father in Heaven who wants to carry the burdens for us. We accept that He is only One strong enough to carry it-and us-throughout our lives.
Unfortunately, like the children of Israel in the Old Testament, we easily forget that God can handle our problems. The cycle of these stages begins again with the next problem or emotional response until we surrender again. The fact is that life is far from perfect. Jesus promised life more abundant which doesn’t exclude us from the struggles we face. On the contrary, I would argue that since the definition of abundance is “a lot or in excess,” we should actually assume that this life will be filled with all the extras-including the trials. But dear friends, don’t lose hope, because our Savior didn’t just give us all the extras. He came with a promise.
When we are cycling back through the phases of life and find ourselves in the throes of the first four stages, we can remember this promise and recognize the “extra” as something God has already overcome. So next time you find yourself in denial, remember the promise of Jesus, skip the other stages, and accept that God is ready to bear your burdens and carry you.
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